The brokenness and binding of being mom…

Before I became a mom, I had little understanding of the brokenness and sacrifice in motherhood. My sights were set on tiny little outfits and the plaid pack-n-play with the adjustable bassinet insert. The birth of my biggest boy sparked a journey of understanding and perspective for my limited thoughts. After all, becoming his mom shattered my preconceived notions of being a mom and focused me in on the thought that everything in life might not go as planned and that’s ok. First of all, the physical changes of pregnancy break and change a woman. The growing belly, a welcomed sight of life changing , cells multiplying and forming a new person. In reading Ann Voskamp’s The Broken Way several months ago, I began to see the parallels of this process to the process of spiritual surrender and renewal. My life, born anew because of Christ’s brokenness on the cross, and then my brokenness bound by his love and grace daily. The emotional toil of becoming a mom has its elements of brokenness as well. I wasn’t too privy to this concept either, before my biggest boy. I had no clue that I’d love him as soon as my eyes saw him and that my emotions would swell inside as I held him. I fell hard for him. And with that love for my son, God began breaking me and I began searching. As I moved through stages of grief, accepting the struggles that would come, scripture spoke to me like never before. I began to understand the frailty of life. The misplaced priorities I had served for far too long. And I began to strive, aspiring to be the bravest and brightest mom I could be for my biggest boy, to pave a future of hope for him. Nothing wrong with that mission, except that it wasn’t what God was calling me to do, which made it very tiring. A couple of years later, pregnant with my smallest boy, my striving met my desperation for hope and Jesus showed me my lack of complete surrender through His Holy scripture. I believe motherhood catapulted me into a place where God could speak to my heart to get me to a place of surrender and remind me day-by-day of my need for dependence on Him. After all, motherhood is messy. Being a mom means you’ll serve more, love more, clean more, wipe more, cry more, laugh more, teach more, and sleep less than you ever thought one human could do. But oh the grace you’ll give. The grace that God gives you to pass on to all the little lives you mother. The grace that, when they’ve come to the end of their rope, will remind them of God’s grace embodied, Jesus, who has the power to bind up their brokenness, no matter how messy. The more days I add to my mothering repertoire, the more my eyes are opened to grace, both God’s grace for me and the grace I can show to those around me.  With that, the more I understand how dangerous it is to compare. The comparison trap happens often for us moms, I believe. All the more with social media outlets, where everything looks clean and pretty. We don’t see the moment after the “perfect” mom’s Instagram photo op, where she loses her mind because her kids spill the drink from her  monogrammed Yeti cup. After all, it happens. I read a quote not too long ago that said “What you have and what you don’t have are all an expression of God’s provision.” He gives and takes away, scripture says. And bad things happen because this isn’t Heaven. But this is certain, God works everything for good for those who love Him and are called to His purpose (Romans 8:28). He has the power to do that. Maybe you can find rest in that promise today, reading mom. I sure do. And I hold that promise with a grateful heart, thanking God for using motherhood to draw me to Himself and lead me to contentment with what He has given me, even on the hard days, knowing that in the tough moments, His strength is completely enough.


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